Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Ballin' on a budget, or just being on one.

I'd like to pay off my student loans before I die. Or go on a vacation for more than 4 days. Or upgrade the furniture I've had since 5th grade. So I've been very conscientiously trying to save money lately. Thankfully, I'm in a position where I have the opportunity to do so, but it has meant cutting expenses and being more thoughtful about how I spend my money. In other words,  I can no longer justify spending $19 on brunch when I can make something way better for approximately $2.65 in my own kitchen.

On that note, I just need to say that I kind of hate brunch, you guys. I know that is a dramatically unpopular opinion among people in my demographic -- 20-something women fucking live for brunch. But, like, an egg costs 25 cents or less, people, and that's really all I can think about every time I'm sitting around with my friends drinking a basically-just-orange-juice mimosa.

Here are some ways I've saved money over the past few months:

Socialized on a dime. My go-to social activity has always been eating and drinking, but as I said, brunch and really most meals out are disappointing. If I'm going to drop mad cash on food it better be amazing. (Note: I did just that at Oleana the other week and it fulfilled all my hopes and dreams. Go there.)  Of course, food is still critically important to me, so I've been inviting people over for dinner instead. Or, when it's warm out, we'll surreptitiously sip wine together in public parks. Who doesn't like a little danger, right? The point is, spend time with your friends, not money.

Quit my gym. Again. For real this time. I've been a member of every gym in Boston, I'm pretty sure, because I've always "valued fitness" (aka stressed out about my weight). But then I realized that spending $75 a month on something that has, when I really think about it, not made me feel any better about myself, is a pretty big waste of money. Plus, I can go to the gym at work for free. It might be a little ghetto, but who cares?  If it's really just about being healthy, then I don't need fancy equipment, or "free" towels, or a spin instructor's unsolicited opinion on nutrition.

Cooked. A lot. The trick to eating well on a budget is eating like a immigrant. I'm talking beans and grains, people. It's also spending an hour or two on Sunday making a bunch of food and portioning it out for the week. (Warning: when you're single and/or live alone, this means eating the same thing every day, so make sure you make something fucking delicious or you're going to hate your life come Wednesday.) If what I cook matters to you at all, follow me on instagram.

Convinced AT&T that after 12 years of being a customer, they should probably lower my phone bill, especially since I don't even use it. This is 2015 -- who talks on the phone anymore? Also, I don't understand the economics of the internet. Like what the fuck am I even paying for anyway? Someone please explain this to me.

Started using I had been a long-time user of until my bank stopped allowing me to sync my account information for security reasons. I figured that was probably a  sign I should stop using their service (even though I am the ideal citizen, who will generally sacrifice all my privacy for convenience). So, I transitioned to a completely free, completely manual app. I have to input all of my spending, which obviously is time consuming, but it's probably the best way to actually stay on a budget because you're conscious of what you're spending your money on. Like $19 on eggs benedict, for example.

Of course, the best way to save money is to earn more of it, which is why I really need to start charging you guys to read my blog. That, or start freelance writing. SOMEBODY HIRE ME. I CAN DO STUFF.


  1. i was not expecting that ending. god i love amy schumer.

    HOW DO YOU GET INTO FREELANCE!? i want. im so poor.

    also, i'm so cheap i'm cancelling my cable because who in the fuck has time to watch tv anyway.

  2. I love this. I am always saying I don't really want to go out to eat since I can cook most things and generally feel better about myself after I do so. I also hate brunch, but that's because I hate eggs and end up spending $12 on toast -- and yes, an oj'd down mimosa. I can't relate on the phone thing, because the UK is dirt cheap and before I moved I did the walmart plan for $44/month -- which is still twice what I'm paying now. US wireless charges are just cray, and yes, like nobody actually talks on their phones more than 45 minutes/month. Try and you should submit something to Huffington Post. You're hilarious and people would like it. They didn't want my stuff, but I'm still hoping they might one day.

    1. BRB moving to Europe for the wireless deals.


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