Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Things I learned at some point in the recent past.

1. If you bought the wrong shoes for an outdoor wedding, you can use these so that your heels don't sink into the ground.


2. I almost always cry at weddings now.
3.  My friends are, like, really pretty.

4. No one delivers pizza to Lake George after 9 pm no matter how many times you call.
5. I'm only slightly taller than a 12-year-old.

6. If you hang out with all boys, people start thinking you are one.
7. You will also learn things like what a "minivan" is according to urban dictionary.
8. You probably shouldn't look that up at work.
9. Sometimes you think a door is open but really it's just made of glass.
10. I can no longer afford to feed Boo his vet-recommended cat food.
11. There should be WIC for cats.

12. These tacos are the tits.
13. I still haven't met anyone else in my apartment building, but I have decorated more of it.


14. I literally cannot believe no one has invented teleporting yet. What the fuck are you all doing while sitting in hours of traffic?
15. I need someone to confirm whether or not Mase is still a reverend.

16. This is the kind of stuff I spend my free time thinking about.

Friday, June 20, 2014

OMG Shoes.

I stopped buying / wearing cute shoes in 2011 after I had foot surgery, which left me immobile for weeks and did relatively nothing to change the quality of my feet. I've always had bad feet. In fact, my chiropractor told me I have the worst feet she's seen in all the years she's been a doctor and recommended that I spend nearly $1,000 on custom-made orthotics. I laughed and bought Tom's instead.

I have virtually no arch and my bones are popping out the sides of my feet, so basically I'm in constant pain whenever I'm upright. This is something I've gotten used to or at least tried to minimize by wearing practical (read: ugly) shoes.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because I'm really digging the wedge sandals that are all the rage right now, and I just really want to fit in and look cute. So, the other day, I went to DSW and tried on about 30 pairs until I found the right ones, like Cinderella or whatever, and I was like, OMG these fit! How are they so comfortable? This is wonderful! I must spend money I don't have on them right now!  So that's what I did.

And then I wore them for ONE DAY and wanted to kill myself.  Turns out, the reason why they were "so comfortable" is because I wore them for 5 minutes around a store and not in real life in which you stand on a bus for an hour and then walk over fucking cobblestone because your city is old as shit and then climb approximately one million stairs to get to your office.

My feet fucking hurt. A lot. But I spent so much money on these MF shoes that I can't possibly admit defeat and stop wearing them. Is this what it's like to be girly?

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Wednesday Confessions

  • I keep forgetting I have a blog.
  • I LOVE living alone.
Living alone, dying alone, whatever.

  • I have been watching a lot of TV lately.
  • Season 2 of Orange is the New Black is lackluster. There, I said it.
  • I joined OkCupid a few days ago. It is a dismal place.
  • There are apparently only 2 kinds of men in Boston: Bros who fuckin' love the Sox and Coors Light. (No sah!) And guys who feel most like themselves when they are listening to jazz and have their fingers around a glass of Scotch.
  • I don't care about either of these people. 

  • I had a dream that Drake and I met on instagram and started dating. He also wore a mask that fed him shots of gatorade every hour on the hour.
  • I would love for someone to give me something real to write about.
  • I thought today was Wednesday. 

Link up!


Friday, June 13, 2014

In case you guys were wondering how my dating life is going...

The one on the left is named Roo. ROO. I could have Roo and Boo! I can't even handle the thought of it. It doesn't even matter, though, since I'm not allowed to get another cat according to my landlord and also society.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Things I learned this weekend

1. I have lived in my building for over a week and have yet to see another tenant.
2. I have no sense of taste when it comes to interior design. Someone needs to help me decorate my apartment.
That candle says "boo!" on it, so.

3. Living alone is hard. For instance, I locked myself out on the first night. The first night, you guys.
4. Having ADD is hard. For instance, I lost the keys to my rental car in HomeGoods and cried in the middle of the store.
5. I would literally not survive without the help of good friends.

6. Boo hid under my bed for two days, but he's now back to his normal self, waking me up 12 times a night and generally being an asshole.


 7. David Sedaris looked at me for 30 seconds and then totally accurately described my life.

8. I cried so much during Game of Thrones last night and I'm not even sure why.
9. I'm basically just always crying these days, I guess.
10. Seriously though, I'm really worried about Jon.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Most Stressed 2004-Present

When I was a senior in high school, I was voted "Most Stressed". This is an accolade I've been able to maintain over the years, unlike all those "Class Couples" out there who broke up 6 months later. PHONIES. 

Anyway, the point is, I am mostly panicking about every aspect of my life right now, and consequently, I have no time or motivation to write. Sometime soon, I hope my blog will be resurrected, but in the meantime, enjoy this video I found on my iPad the other night:

Monday, June 2, 2014

Things I learned this weekend

1. The reggae station on XMradio is named "The Joint", obviously.

Stereotypes in stereo.

2. I am not very good at packing. I basically just throw everything into trash bags and call it a day.
3. My dad is my hero. His ability to park a U-Haul is truly amazing.

4. You should put down your beer before you try to carry boxes up a flight of stairs, duh.
5. You should probably just wait til you're done moving before you open a beer.
6. Boo basically hates his life and has already tried to run away once.


7. I haven't eaten a vegetable in, like, 10 days.
8. My apartment was built for giants and/or average-sized people. I have to stand on a ladder to use my microwave.
9. I may or may not have had to climb into a construction site to use the port-a-potty. I legitimately need one of these:

10. I'm too emotional to talk about last night's Game of Thrones, so all I'll say is that this is my favorite quote of the season so far:

"Size doesn't matter when you're flat on your back." 

I wish you would have called me.