Alternatively titled: "A completely biased view of a large class of people."
- You are literally always on your phone. You might be talking, or texting, or changing a song, or looking at a map, but no matter what, you are definitely holding it. Sometimes you hold it right in front of your face. This is most noticeable when you do it at night because it GLOWS.
- When you get to an intersection, you generally only look in one direction. I've noticed this because it's usually not the direction in which I'm standing. It's a good thing I've come to this realization otherwise I would have died many times by now. Like a cat!
- My life and health is not important to you.
- Having to stop at a crosswalk for 30 seconds causes you severe mental strife. Why are you in such a rush? Is your favorite TV show about to come on? You should really consider investing in a DVR if TV is more important to you than human life.
- Sometimes you hit bikers. Like that time I was late to work because I had to call 911 and wait for the ambulance to arrive.
- Sometimes bikers hit you. Like that time I saw a woman with a child on the back of her bike run into a parked car.
- You probably complain a lot about your commute because traffic is the worst thing ever! But there is nothing you can do about it which makes you a victim! You probably live close to a commuter rail stop, but never mind that, you are a victim! Even so, I want you to know that your coworkers would love for you to stop talking to them about your commute / in general.
- Maybe you live in the middle of the city but have to have a car so you can go to Applebees on the weekend (or wherever people with cars go). But ugh, parking! Why do so many people in your neighborhood have to have cars?! Victim!
- Shoveling - the worst!
- Gas - the worst!
- Humans - the worst!
Okay, I'm done now, but I had to get that all out because I nearly get hit by a car every day. GET IT TOGETHER, PEOPLE.
Editor's note: I do not discriminate. I hate bikers, too.