Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Hunt or be hunted.

So, last week, Steve Harvey told a female soldier that women shouldn't propose to men (and also to take her clothes off). And then, I read this absolutely terrible article in the Atlantic in which a man with frosted tips tells women how to be appropriately feminine and submissive. And THEN, someone told me,  "A relationship can never work if the girl goes after the guy." What?! I'm constantly wondering what century I live in.

Obviously, this deeply troubled me since I'm not the damsel-in-distress type (except when I have the flu, in which case RESCUE ME) and also I have almost no patience whatsoever. I've definitely made the first move, and while I'm totally still single (call me!), I'd like to think that's not the reason why. 

So let's talk about this. I already started polling my straight, male friends and will share with you my qualitative research, but I'd love for you all to chime-in in the comments as well. 

The general consensus, so far, is that it doesn't matter, as you may have guessed. Some guys said they would prefer to be hunted because they "have no game", some because they're "lazy", some because it's "sexy". One of my friends pointed out, however, that he thinks women are typically less likely to be forward, so he assumes he has to be the one to make the first move, which, in my opinion, could be because their friends tell them no relationship will ever work out if they go after someone. Or maybe it's just human nature. Still, not one of my friends said they would be turned off by a girl making a move because who in the world doesn't like feeling desired? No one. That is just science. However, if the girl turns out to be obsessive or way more into it than the guy, then no, the relationship won't work out. But, like, duh? 

In the words of my friend Brennan: "There's a confident forward, and a creepy forward. If she looks like she's going to take my organs in my sleep, then it's bad, but someone who knows what they want is a lot more attractive than sheepish."

What do you think?


  1. "A relationship can never work if the girl goes after the guy." I have friends who've proven this to be untrue but it's still ingrained in my head.

  2. i just don't understand why there has to be rules of who must go first, who must make the first 'move' why do there have to be moves? why do we have to play games? why can't you just say 'i like you' sounds simple enough to me?

    1. Amen, sister. That's how it works in my fantasies.

  3. I don't think it's a function of "right" and "wrong" way to do things. Or what will or won't "work". Social norms are norms because they're prevalent, not because they're the necessarily the best way to do things. As with any social norm, you're welcome to go against the grain and there are some people who are going to like it and some who are going to be uncomfortable.


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