Friday, November 1, 2013

Halloween Candy

I am shocked and dismayed at the severe lack of Halloween candy there is in my office. There are so many people in this MF building with children to apparently no benefit. You are not getting your money's worth, people!

If I had kids, I would make it rain on Halloween. I would take my kids to so many different neighborhoods. And some neighborhoods do trick-or-treating on non-Halloween days, so we could potentially go every day of the week.  They would think I am the best mom, but mostly I'd just be using them for refined carbohydrates. But, whatever. It's like, I pushed you out, so it's the least you can do, right?

Of course, when we got home I would take the candy away and tell them it needs to be rationed because childhood obesity or whatever. But in reality I'd be closet-eating that shit nightly. Also, my sister said young kids forget about their candy. They just fucking forget! So, it's not like they'd be that heart-broken about it.

What I'm saying is: Dear coworkers, you're doing it wrong. Love, Future Mother-of-the-Year


  1. I NEVER FORGOT ABOUT MY CANDY! That shit was gold, and my sibs could not touch any of it.

  2. WHAT IS GOING ON IN THAT PICTURE? The candy is called things like Ahahachar (clearly some sort of blackened, smoked candy), and the kid is wearing a shirt that says "little teddies love daisies"? This is why we bomb other countries.

  3. my parents were prepared for over 100 kids and they only got 25 so i am currently rolling in kitkats.


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