Wednesday, August 28, 2013


Is it true that everyone is on Tinder except me? Or at least every single person? Or at least every non-committal person? It seems like the perfect app for the Anthony Weiners of the world.

I did some research (because instead of trying online "dating", I read articles about it), and have confirmed that Tinder is as gross as I assumed it would be.

For those of you who are unaware, Tinder is a "dating" app that allows you to find "single" people in your immediate area with whom you can "meet up" (all of those quotations are there for good reason). Essentially, users scroll through profiles and "like or dismiss" people based on their photos, and then they are notified when someone likes them back. I imagine it's similar to picking up the prostitute you think is the most attractive, but less expensive. So romantic!

Hey, it works for some people.

I feel like I'm probably offending a lot of people right now, since "everyone is on Tinder". And good for you, everyone. Do your thang. Get yours. (Someone should.) But only if that's actually what you want because I can only assume that there are two reasons why anyone would ever use Tinder:
  1. to get laid
  2. because they have low self-esteem
And I only assume that because those are the only reasons why anyone would ever use Tinder. In fact, according to this Huffington Post article, Tinder "works for women" because it gives them an ego boost. And I get it. I get the need for an ego boost in the age of Facebook where everyone is constantly trying to prove that their life is better than yours by way of photos and status updates, in a world where there are literally hundreds of messages aimed at you every day saying you're not young enough, or skinny enough, or smart enough (or too smart). But how is using something as superficial as Tinder helping that? Doesn't it just reaffirm the idea that the way you look is the most valuable (or least, depending) of your attributes?

Come on, ladies, LEAN IN.*

You probably didn't think I was going to get this serious about Tinder. I'm just depressed that this is what "dating" has become (and terrified that I might have to succumb to it one day). Whatever happened to the old fashioned way of getting drunk at a bar? Let's go back to that.

*Probably doesn't apply here, but it felt right.


I would love to hear your comments unless you're an international spammer. Sorry.