Monday, May 6, 2013

How to Be Happy as a Single Lady

This post is for my internet friend turned IRL friend, Katie, who recently broke up with her boyfriend of 6 and a 1/2 years and needs some encouragement. Katie - I have succumbed to Thought Catalog "journalism" for you. You're welcome.

How to Be Happy as a Single Lady
(Or, "Katie Qué's 12-Step Program")

Step 1: Put on Beyonce.

Step 2: Buy a cat.

Step 3: Go home after work, put on sweatpants, eat peanut butter straight out of the jar with your fingers. Get peanut butter all over said sweatpants. Look down at them and say, "IDGAF" because no one is there to look at and/or judge you.

Step 4: Go out. A lot. You're young. Who cares if people think you have a drinking problem? How can drinking ever even be a problem anyway?

Step 5: Whiskey.

Step 6: Make friends with everyone you meet (step 5 helps with this). At least at first. You can determine later whether or not they're actually cool, but in the mean time, acquire as many allies as possible. (Note: you should really focus on acquiring single allies. This is key.)

Step 7: If steps 4 and 6 are not your cup of tea, then live your life on the internet. Actually, even if they are your cup of tea, live your life on the internet. You might find that people like you more there. You might even find that people you have never met have imaginary sex with you. This could make you feel scared OR it could make you feel flattered because imaginary sex is probably the only kind of sex you're having these days. (SRY.)

Step 8: This. (NSFW)

Step 9: Take some classes. Maybe don't go back to grad school when you're working full-time because how would that ever be enjoyable? But maybe take something like improv or yoga or Spanish or this:

Step 10: Read The Handmaid's Tale. Right now. In fact, this should really be Step 1, but I'm too lazy to start over.

Step 11: "Find yourself."

Step 12: And last, but certainly not least:


  1. I may or may not at one point have bought a bottle of pheromones from Athena's. JUST SAYIN'.

  2. Umm the sweat pants and the whiskey is how i get through most days. Its not exclusively for single people. However, it's nice not to be yelled at for being drunk again, with chocolate doughnut all over my face and pants. haha

  3. "because no one is there to look at and/or judge you"

    .. I beg to differ.

  4. Is there a way for me to enjoy numbers 5 and 12 but still maintain a super-hawt body in case I decide not to be happily single anymore?

  5. Or you could add spinning to #9.


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