Sunday, December 4, 2011

Martial "Art"

Last weekend, I went to a dance recital that a couple of my friends were performing in. Let me preface this by saying that their dances were quite good and they both did a fantastic job. However, some of the other dances were... not so good. 

In particular, one of the "dances" consisted of an older white gentleman and a middle-aged Latin American woman moving around the stage with Japanese paper fans to the sounds of Asian flautists. The woman waved her fan and did lunges while the man did martial arts. His movements were intense and violent. He kept stabbing the air with the paper fan whilst staring abrasively at the audience. It was not only terrifying, but also one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen.

Like this, but whiter.

While they were on stage, I exhibited the most self-control I have ever had in my entire life. It took everything in me not to laugh. I tried thinking about things like grandparents dying, taxes, cancerous plastic, etc.. I successfully made it through the entire performance without an outburst; but, unfortunately, during another performance I started laughing uncontrollably after one of my friends farted and permeated the entire theater. Literally, the whole thing. It was actually kind of impressive.

You need this.


  1. i know that feeling haah so scared youll laugh.

    also when you said flautist i thought of this

    also you should watch this. bullshit dance. dont watch it at work.

  2. wondering who the friend was that farted. bet I only need one guess?

  3. Chris, I remember going to your singing recitals with your family and struggling. That one girl was so bad. Why didn't her parents tell her?!

  4. "oh my god, [insert friend's name here]! how do you do this? it's literally an entire theater." [surrounding 2 rows of audience stifle laughter].

  5. it was Peter Babonis.


I would love to hear your comments unless you're an international spammer. Sorry.