Thursday, January 5, 2012

Dating 101

People often ask me for dating advice, and usually I want to say, "Why the fuck are you asking me? I don't know shit." I'd like to think that if I did know shit about relationships, I might actually be in one. Alas, that is not the case. Still, I have learned some very valuable lessons over the years:

1) Russians cannot be trusted. Men who like Russians cannot be trusted.
2) Just because someone watches Tim & Eric doesn't mean you should sleep with them.
3) You may think someone likes you and then he will disappear from your life without any notice. You may later bump into him at a beer festival where he will literally run away from you. Literally. Run.
4) Shoes say a lot about a person. For example, stay away from anyone who is still wearing Etnies at age 27.
5) Don't date someone just because they have good taste in music. That person may or may not still be married. You can find out on Facebook.
6) If a guy tells you he is bi-sexual and then says, "just kidding!" assume that he is not just kidding.

There are plenty more lessons I could teach you, but I think I might have to start charging a fee. 


  1. oh my god i remember that weird bi guy. bizarre. i hate all of the guys that you have come into contact with. to be fair, they havent all been insufferable, but mostly just because i love you so much and no one will ever be good enough for you. except for me. or Patri.

  2. Katie, Im DYING at this right now. Mainly because you are correct, and flip one or 2 pronouns and you got me too. Also my Transgender/sexual offers on OKC is now at 2. Not sure where the rockbottom line is, but its close. kthanksbye

  3. 3a) if you're very lucky you'll have a friend that will avenge you. most likely immediately before paging you to the front of the beer festival for running off with dating tip number 5.


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